Being what one truly is

The past few months have been ones of tremendous growth, introspection and restoration. I had to take myself apart, fall apart and then put myself back together. The Artist's Way (a book by Julia Cameron) was the tool I chose to use as a way to meet myself again. I also realized two parallel and conflicting emotions rise in me - Anger and Compassion. It was natural for some degree of anger to rise within in the process of growth. However,  It is very important to be compassionate with yourself when this process of growth is happening. Because anger about the past can only dissipate when it meets the cool waters of compassion. I often think of the role my family (as in my immediate one) played in this inner turmoil. It is a double edged sword. It reminds me of my Group Therapy class in grad school a few years ago. "The group is a microcosm of the world". The family is a microcosm of my world outside. The way I am with them is the way I am with the world. I was destined to spend a few months being angry at my family for two reasons: They were the biggest source of my limited way of being, while also being my single most powerful source of internal strength, and protection.  Dealing with this paradoxical reality was where I think I spent the last few months. The anger came from not knowing how to deal with this grey area. So that was another barrier to my creativity that I feel I was able to meet. Sort of in angry confused limbo of not knowing how to react.