first day first show

I am new to the blogging world and am struggling with getting my thoughts together about what to do next. I am having trouble with getting the settings right. All the templates and colors and text sizes left my head spinning for a minute. Not a good thing for someone who is a bit scattered. I chose so many different backgrounds including one with eggs ! ya go figure ! and finally settled on this one. I wanted something minimilistic and easy to read.  It might change in the coming days. I guess its important to just write and get it out rather than worry too much about presentation.

I have always written on and off since I was in my teenage years. But have not really moved past writing generic journal entries about my life. My journals were mostly observations about other people and myself. I wanted my writing to be completely confidential and stopped writing on paper when I started getting worried that someone might look at it. I have always been extremely conscious about showing anyone what I write, in case they found it to be uninteresting or weird. In part I think that comes from my anxiety of being judged. Recently, the need to write more creatively, and explore writing as a more focused exercise has become more important to me. I have also been interested in drawing and painting which I have also done on and off since my teenage years. For some reason I have become extremely self judgmental and self critical in this area. Where creativity is supposed to be a medium of expression and release, my need to create and not being able to has become a source of discomfort and pain for me. This sense of discomfort is what has led me to start this blog. I hope to gain a degree of inner freedom and self expression through my writing. I will also be starting an art class at the end of the month hopefully to further help this process.

I guess this blog is going to be about my journey to realize my inner creativity and bring it to surface in which ever way it wants to. I will be posting about the things that I will be doing in order to open my mind in new ways while dealing with my inner anxiety about life in general. I have a nagging feeling that if I can get a hold of my chronic inner anxiety, my mind will free up for more productive and creative activities. So for starters I am reading this book called "The Mindful Way through Anxiety" hoping that I can take a serious shot at resolving this once and for all. I have also decided to attend a writing class this evening just out of curiosity. I think writing with other people can be a very opening experience.